A Fool's Paradise
by Confessed4Life
Summary: With the Keeper raining terror upon the world, Kahlan must return to Aydindril, despite Richard's objections, to take a mate. What happens along the way, no one could have foreseen.
1. Chapter 1

She could feel his eyes on her, watching her as he often did. Looking over her shoulder, she gave him a quick, warm smile, wishing for a moment to spend with him alone. Since they left the small village, he had grown quiet; making her more uneasy than the thought of him unleashing the Rahl magic within him. She had never feared him before, but when he raised his sword at her, she thought that he would kill her. Now, she didn't know how she felt.

Zedd raised his eyes to her, making her turn away and focus her attention back on the small, narrow trail ahead of her. The sun was blazing down upon the land, losing almost none of its heat as it went through the gaps in the tree limbs and leaves. The air was filled with the smell of trees, making Kahlan, for a moment, imagine being close enough to Richard to smell it. Each moment she continued to walk, she fell deeper and deeper into thought, slowing down every few seconds until at last she stopped with a sigh. The wizard tried to urge her forward, but she wouldn't move. Turning around, she looked at Richard and waited.

"I'm sorry," he told her once again. "I never wanted to hurt you."

"I know," she nodded. "I know." Turning, she walked beside him, close to the wizard who slowed down to be sure he heard what was said. "You scared me."

"I'm sorry," he repeated softly. There were many things he wanted to say, but he couldn't find the words. He was so ashamed of what he had done; he felt his apology was worthless.

"Do you feel it now?" He nodded his head and avoided looking at her. "What does it feel like?"

He swallowed the lump in his throat and sighed. "Terrifying."

Grabbing his hand, Kahlan moved closer. "I'm sorry. I know how you feel about magic."

"It's not the magic that frightens me," he whispered. "It's what I will do with it."

"What do you mean?"

Coming to a stop, he pulled his hand free of hers and pushed his fingers through his hair. "I almost killed you!" he shouted, bringing Cara and Zedd to a halt. "I would have killed you without hesitation and I- I'm in love with you and I tried to kill you! I killed all of those people! I was so angry... Spirits, I wanted to kill you for getting in my way!" Reaching up, she cupped his face in her hands and stepped closer. Her body pressed firmly against his in an attempt to comfort him. She felt his body relax and she moved even closer. "I almost killed you..."

"But you didn't," she said softly, pushing her forehead against his.

"I wanted to."

"It wasn't you."

Pulling back, he grabbed her arms and lifted her slightly. Kissing her, he tried to forget what he had done, but the memory flooded his mind. She surprised him by wrapping her arms around his neck, trying to pull him closer and deepen their kiss. How could she want to kiss him after what he had done? He nearly killed her and here she was, allowing his tongue to push past her lips.

Zedd's cough pulled the couple apart. Their kiss breaking, but their bodies remaining close as they both gasped for air. Lowering her hands, Kahlan felt her cheeks redden at the thought of their private moment being seen. His eyes were closed, his hands holding her waist in an attempt to keep her close. For the first time, he felt safe and he almost forgot the look in her eyes when he had attacked her.

Crossing her arms, Cara sighed. "We should move, his screaming would have attracted any close banelings."

Richard tightened his hold on her for a moment, needing another moment with her to go on. "It wasn't you," Kahlan whispered again.

Pulling away, he nodded to the others, telling them to continue. "It was me. I- I've felt the anger for some time." He kept his eyes on the winding trail ahead of them. "I have been fighting it for a while now."

"The anger?"

Nodding, Richard sighed. "I- it feels like I've bottled the world in a jar and it's desperate to get free. I'm angry all the time and then I touch this sword and I see red."

"Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because I'm ashamed of it."

She grabbed his hand, hoping for another chance to comfort him. "Why?"

"Because this isn't who I am. Kahlan, I'm not like this."

"I know, but it is a part of you."

He stopped once again and turned toward her. "I don't want you to know this part of me."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want you to fear me."

Her smile eased him, making him feel safer. "I know the feeling."

"I could never fear you."

She nodded, her smile widening for a moment as she looked ahead of them. Zedd was glancing over his shoulder to them, making sure that they were still coming along and not lost in another moment of dangerous passion. "And I could never fear you."

"You told me that I scared you."

"I wasn't scared of you, I- I was afraid that I had lost you." She sighed heavily, stopping mid-step so that she could look at him. "I didn't know what was happening, I- The last person who was that angry with me was my father and I- It scared me. I was afraid that we weren't going to be able to help you. I didn't want to lose you."

"Why do you keep doing that?"

"What?"

He motioned up the trail with his head, watching her as she avoided looking. "You keep looking at Zedd like you're doing something wrong."

"No-"

"Yes, you do."

"We should catch them." He grabbed her arm, stopping her from moving away from him. "Richard, please..."

"I'm sorry." Releasing her arm, he turned and walked away, leaving her where she stood.

******

"It won't happen again," Kahlan whispered to the wizard.

Laying his thin hand on her shoulder, he leaned closer. "I know dear one."

Poking a long stick in the fire, she sighed. Her mind was spinning and she could still feel the Seekers lips against hers, making it all so much harder. In four days she was to take a mate, the date set for the Mother Confessor from the beginning of time. It was the reason Zedd kept a close eye on them now, knowing that one wrong move would destroy them. She hadn't told Richard why they were returning to Aydindril, but a part of her began to suspect that he already knew. He always figured things out.

Snapping the stick in half, she tossed it into the burning flames, watching as it devoured it. The thought of taking him hadn't left her mind in days, the package her handmaiden had sent to her made sure of it. She had made sure to keep a single content to herself, knowing that if anyone knew she possessed a Rada'Han, things would spiral out of control. Being with Richard was out of the question, but she couldn't keep her mind from imagining the way it would be. Looking over her shoulder, she watched him with Cara, wishing for a brief moment they could change bodies. Shaking the thought from her mind, she turned back to the fire and fought back the sudden tears.

"It will be over with soon enough," Zedd offered.

Meeting his eyes, she shook her head. "I love him. This will never be over." Standing, she wiped her hands down her dress, trying to rid the sweats and appear calm. "I'm going to stretch my legs; clear my mind."

Moving into the trees, she quickened her pace until she believed to be far enough in to let go. Pushing her back against a tree, she let out a silent, breathless cry of agony. After everything they had been through, this was the hardest. Covering her face, she slid down to the ground and tried to find her breath. She needed to pull herself together, if she was gone for too long, he would come after her and she had to make sure it didn't happen. It he came to her, she wasn't sure she would be able to hold herself back.

Wiping her cheeks, she took in a deep breath and stood. She nearly jumped from her skin as he laid his hand on her shoulder. Spinning around, she tried to push past him, hoping he wouldn't notice her tears. Grabbing her arms, he held her still.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she lied, pushing against his chest. "We need to get back."

"Not until you talk to me."

Lowering her eyes to the ground, she shook her head. "I can't."

"Why?"

"Because I don't want to talk to you." Pushing him as hard as she could, she moved past him and walked away.

Racing after her, he took her in his arms, forced her to face him. "Kahlan, what's wrong?"

Taking his face in her hands, she kissed him roughly, loosing herself. He didn't hesitate to return her kiss, his own desire taking its hold almost instantly. She pulled him closer, pushing against him until he began to lower them to the ground. His first instinct was to lay over her, but he didn't want her to push him away. Lying on their sides, they kissed frantically, their hands roaming over the other as they attempted to get closer.

Hooking her right leg over him, she pulled his left leg between her, moving past the slit in her dress as she rocked against him. His body ached for hers, but he knew that she didn't realize what was happening, that she was pushing against him so hard, it nearly made him explode. Grabbing her leg, he held it to him as he rolled over her, unable to keep from it any longer. Their kiss heated even more as his hands pushed her skirt until it was out of the way, taking away most of the barrier keeping her from him. The moan that escaped her as pushed against her drove him mad, knowing that this could go no farther.

Breaking their kiss, he held onto her face, holding her still as he stared into her darkened eyes. It would only take a few seconds for her to realize what they were doing. Quicker than he liked, she pushed him from her, and sat forward, her eyes closed in a moment of horror. Standing, she fixed her dress, being sure to keep her eyes from his. One look into them and she would be lost again.

"I'm sorry." Her words were so soft, barely making it to his ears as she turned and hurried away.

******

When he reached their camp, she was already lying beside the fire with her eyes closed. His grandfather watched him carefully as though he knew what they had done. If he didn't, the stain on his pants from her arousal would give them away. Sitting down next to Cara, he waited for her to say something, but she didn't. Looking at her, he realized that she didn't have to.

"Nothing happened," he said quietly, making sure that she was the only one who heard him.

"That's not what she-"

"What did she say?"

"Nothing."

Nodding, Richard leaned back and closed his eyes. "She didn't have to, did she?" Her silence told him everything. "I don't know what to do."

"Use the Rada'Han in her pack."

Opening his eyes, he looked at her sternly. "Don't-"

Lifting the Confessor's bag, she pulled the round metal out and waved it in front of him. "She's had it since we left." He sat up instantly, taking the cold metal into his hands as he looked over to the woman he loved. "You should do it," his friend encouraged him.

Licking his lips, he laid down and closed his eyes, knowing exactly what his friend was referring to. He had found himself able to use some of his magic lately and one part in particular, he had been using nightly. He never attempted it with her, unwilling to invade her privacy, but things were different now.


	2. Chapter 2

Opening his eyes, he looked around, trying to figure out where he was. The sun was shining brightly upon him, making him squint as he sat up. Kahlan was in the lake before him, wading in the water as she looked out to him. She smiled seductively, her eyes moving over him bringing him to realize that he was naked.

"Are you coming?" she questioned softly.

He smiled, thrilled that she was dreaming about him in this way. "Why?"

"Because this is my dream; I cannot hurt you here." For a second, he thought he was caught; that she knew he wasn't only an image of him in her mind. "And when I wake up, I have to- Please, just give me this time?"

Without thought, he answered her quickly. "I'll give you the rest of my life."

His words seemed to pain her, leaving him confused as he slipped into the water.

Meeting him, she traced her fingers over his collarbone. "I could never do that to you."

"Why not?"

She looked into his eyes, searching them for a moment and again, he thought he was caught. "Because I love you."

"You have the Rada'Han." She didn't know that he knew; he used it to fuel her thoughts in her dream. "We could be together-"

"No," she said at once, interrupting him. "I could never."

Cupping her cheeks, he leaned forward. "Why?"

"If I was with you, just once, I would never want to stop."

"We wouldn't have to."

Kahlan pulled back, keeping him from kissing her. "The Rada'Han blocks my magic, a part of me and I-" Releasing a sigh, she pushed back against him. "I don't want to talk anymore."

Connecting their lips, he pulled her closer, barely able to comprehend how real it felt. Afraid to move his hands over her, he focused on keeping his hands flattened against her back, fighting the urge to explore her body. Her tongue pushed against his, battling for dominance within his mouth as she pulled at his hair. The water kept moving her away, making him struggle to hold onto her the way he wanted to. Carrying her to land, he lay her down in the mud carefully and moved over her. His lips kissed her skin, bringing a long line of heated moans as he continued.

The taste of her skin was almost the way he had imagined and he knew that if this was real, it would be more. It pained him to know that if this wasn't her dream, she wouldn't allow this to happen. He wanted to give her love, children, passion; everything she ever wanted, but she wouldn't allow it. She pulled him from his thoughts with a gasp of his name, the sound more beautiful than anything he had ever heard. Reconnecting their lips, he buried himself within her and just as quickly, they were gone.

Rolling off of her, he gasped for breath, his heart pounding violently at what they had just done. Coming to his side, he laid his arm over her stomach, drawling her nearer to him as she too struggled for air. Grabbing his arm, she looked over to him with teary eyes, filling him with concern.

"We're going to Aydindril so I can take a mate." His heart stopped, wounded. He wanted to pull away, to sit up and try to convince her that she didn't have to, but it was her dream and he couldn't. "I- I've wanted to tell you, but I know that the moment I do, everything changes."

"Things have already changed. They changed the moment you decided to go through with it."

"I didn't decide anything," she said as she pushed his arm off of her and sat forward. "It is the law and if I don't-" She stopped herself, not wanting to say what the consequence would be. "I don't want to do it, but I must. It is my duty."

Richard studied her face as she wiped her tears. "It is your duty to be unhappy?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

Dropping her hands to her lap, she crossed her fingers. "Because I fell in love with you." Looking out to the water, she sighed. "I knew better."

"I hold you back."

She smiled a small smile, looking back to him. "No. You make me want so much more." Turning, she pushed some of her hair over her shoulder. "I look at you and I- I want everything. Things that never mattered to me before, are all I can think of, but I want them with you; not someone else."

"Why can't you have them with me?"

"Because a life with me is not something I can ask you to burden."

"Burden?"

She sighed, reaching for her white Confessors Dress. "It feels strange to be talking about this with you."

"Why?"

Dressing herself, she looked over to him. "Because you're not real."

"I'm real."

Shaking her head, she laid back down and stared up into the blue and green sky. "Nothing here is real."

Moving to lay beside her, he hugged her tightly. "We are."

Lifting her head, she looked down at him confused. Something in his voice frightened her. "What do you mean?"

"Kahlan, I'm real. You're asleep, but I'm here."

It was impossible for him to hold onto her as she moved away. "You came into my dream?!" she shouted in anger and embarrassment. "How could you?!"

Sitting up, he crossed his legs before him. "I'm not sorry, Kahlan."

Tossing his clothes into his lap, she looked away to hide her tears. "You should be." Wiping her cheeks, she tried to wake up and end his access to her thoughts. "Let go, Richard."

"If I do, you'll pretend this never happened."

Pushing him onto his back, she hovered over him, angrily. "What is it you want me to do? Do you want me to want to talk about this? You betrayed my trust! You entered my sacred thoughts and you want me to be all right with that?"

"No," he answered in a breathless whisper. "I want you to talk to me."

Shaking her head, she slammed her fist against his shoulder once, finding it difficult to look at him. "I don't have anything else to say to you. Let me wake up!"

"No."

Sitting back, she blinked out a set of tears. "Please..."

"How long have you known?"

"Known what?"

"That you needed to go back to Aydindril and... And take a mate."

"Since they named me Mother Confessor."

He sat up instantly, pushing his fingers through his hair as he took in a deep breath. "You've known for almost a year and you never told me?" She said nothing, continuing to stare out at the water. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"Because I never thought I would live long enough to need to."

"You didn't think I could protect you?"

Closing her eyes, she shook her head. "I didn't want you to."

"I don't understand."

"You never will."

Reaching out, he laid his hand on her shoulder and moved closer, trying to be able to wipe her flowing tears. "I will if you explain."

"I can't."

"Why?"

"Because I'm mad at you."

"You can still be mad at me after you-"

"Please, let me wake up. I don't want to be here any longer."

"When we get to Aydindril, I want you to take me."

Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to stop crying. "How can you say that?"

Grabbing her face, he made her look at him. "Because I love you."

******

She sat forward as she awoken, making sure that she didn't look over her shoulder to the man she knew watched her. Wiping her face, Kahlan licked her lips and sighed. She couldn't stop her mind from thinking about how it felt to have his skin against hers. Looking over to the wizard, she nearly jumped at the anger in his eyes. Darting her eyes to the trees, she leaned forward and rested her head in her hands.

She was afraid to go back to sleep, afraid that if she did, he wouldn't be there. In three days they would arrive in Aydindril and she would be with another man. The thought made her ache. She wanted to be with Richard more than anything and she knew that it was wrong. If she didn't remove the thought from her mind, it would destroy her.

She had the Rada'Han, she thought suddenly. No one would have to know what they had done. Just one night, they could be together for one night and there would be no consequences. It was irrational to think that way, the moment the council learned she had been taken, things would change. Taking the honor of a Confessor was saved for their chosen mate, making sure the chance of conceiving a child was high.

A Confessor was to lay with no man until she had announced who it would be after confirming it with the High Council. Since she was named Mother Confessor before she had taken a mate, they were to choose one for her. It was that fact that made her fear it all the more. The first time she would see him would be as he entered her bed chambers. She felt sick, her stomach in knots and her heart pounding so hard, she thought it would fly from her chest. Standing slowly, she ignored the wizard's gaze and walked quietly into the trees.

Three days. In three days, she would be touched by another man, his body pressed against hers as they created a child. She threw up instantly. As the time for her to return came closer, she tried to push him away, tried to get herself to see reason, but she couldn't. Each time she pushed, he would give her space, somehow knowing that she needed it and it made her love him even more. Leaning her arm against a thin tree, she pushed herself back up, trying to keep from getting sick again.

She didn't want anyone other than Richard to touch her or even to look upon her. It was her burden to bear for falling in love with him; she had brought it upon herself. She wished she had brought her blanket with her, the wind cooling as it blew past. Closing her eyes, she turned into the breeze, praying that it would blow her pain away. She heard his steps as he approached her, they were like no other.

"Are you all right?"

"Fine," she said quickly, turning to face him as she forced on a smile. "We need to get back."

Nodding, he dropped his eyes to the vomit now staining the grass and leaves. "I'll make you some tea."

"No, it's all right. I don't-" Releasing a heavy sigh, she grabbed his arm, needing desperately to touch him. "Richard, why didn't you tell me that you were- Why did you let me believe that you were a part of my dream?"

"You know why."

"No, but I think that you didn't want me to know."

"At first, but I- Kahlan, your dream felt so real; I didn't want it to end."

Nodding, she moved her eyes to the ground. "Me either."

"Why did you tell me?"

He didn't have to elaborate, she knew what he meant and he knew it. "Because I thought that if I could tell you then, I could tell you when I awoke." Bringing her eyes back to his, she nearly melted. They were filled with a passion and care that she didn't know existed. "I was so afraid that if I told you, somehow it would make it real."

"It is real," he whispered quietly.

Pulling her hand away from his arm, she looked past his shoulder; toward their camp. "I know, but it doesn't feel that way." Returning her eyes to his, she took a step back. "I don't want to do it."

"I know. I've known since we started out. I can see it in your eyes, Kahlan. I've never seen you in more pain."

"You haven't known me for very long." Her voice was stern, proving his thought that she was attempting to push him away again, but her eyes betrayed her. "We need to get back."

"I'm sorry Kahlan," he said as she began to walk by him. "Not for going into your dream, but- I'm sorry that you have to go through this and I can't be there for you. I'm sorry that you have to give yourself to some stranger who doesn't care about you when I love you. I'm sorry that he gets you and I don't."

Blinking out a set of tears, she reached out for him. "Lay with me tonight?"

Stepping forward, he took her hand. "Of course."


	3. Chapter 3

The wizard had kept his eyes on them as they returned, watching them carefully to be sure they did nothing foolish. Richard thought it was all foolish. He held her against him, trying to keep his heart steady as she laid her head against his chest. The feel of her so close again made her dream flood back to him.

"Can I show you something?"

"What?"

"Trust me?" Once she nodded against his chest, he closed his eyes. "Don't let go."

******

They were in the trees again, only now they were standing and it was light out. She didn't recognize the surroundings, making her look at him for answers.

"Look through there," he instructed quietly. "I came into your dream, it's only fair you see one of mine."

Following his gaze, she strained her eyes trying to see what it was he wanted her to. "Why are we over here?"

"Because this isn't a current dream. I can only show you what I've dreamt, I haven't figured out anything more."

"How long..." her voice trailed off as she caught a glimpse of movement in the trees.

It was him, running through the trees in laughter as someone chased him. As he came closer, it became clear that she and two small girls raced after him. Taking a step forward, she tried to get closer, wanting to know what was happening. He slowed drastically, pretending to be getting tired as the group closed in on him. Kahlan moved out of the way, letting one of the small girls leap onto his back with a cry of triumph.

"I caught daddy!" She shouted gleefully. "I win!"

"Again, again!" the other shouted as she came to a stop behind them, leaning over to catch her breath.

There was no doubt who the girls were, even if she couldn't hear what was said, their appearance gave them away. They looked liked them, their features coming from both parents in a way that made it seem possible.

"We've done it five times Bella," Kahlan laughed.

"One more?" she asked, grabbing hold of her mother's legs.

Looking at Richard, the Mother Confessor grinned. "They may sleep through the night."

"The first one back wins!" he shouted as he pretending to break out in a run. Their daughters raced back through the trees, their laughter filling the air. "Why Mother Confessor, were you trying to seduce me in front of our children?"

Smiling widely, she began to run after them, looking over her shoulder for a quick moment. "You'll have to catch me to find out!"

And then they were out of sight and the area around them began to fade to black, the dream coming to an end. Richard pulled her back to him, holding her tightly as he tried to think of somewhere else to take her.

"You dreamt this?"

"Many times," he replied softly as she wrapped her arms tighter around him.

"Where were we?"

He gave a light laugh and shook his head. "I don't know. I've never seen that forest before. I must have made it up in my mind."

"It's beautiful."

"I suppose, I've never paid much attention to it."

"I wouldn't have either." Meeting his eyes, she gave a side smile. "Can we see it again?"

"I'd like to show you more," he told her in a low whisper. "If you wouldn't mind..."

"I'd like that."

They were in a bedroom almost instantly, standing in a dark corner that gave them a full view of the room. She wasn't surprised that the only thing in there was a door and bed. They were beneath the covers, panting their lovers name as they connected their bodies. They were mostly covered, leaving only their head exposed as their lips devoured each other. With a soft whimper, her magic flowed from her and into him.

Kahlan felt her heart stop. Richard had dreamt of her releasing her magic into him and what made it more difficult to see, he never showed a second of fear. She felt his arms tighten around her as though he knew that she needed him to comfort her as she watched. The sounds of their peek echoed in their room, filling their ears at once. Looking back to him, she started to ask him why he would be dreaming of this when a smile came to his lips.

"This is my favorite part," he said quietly.

Looking back to the bed, she watched him roll off of her, but keep her pressed firmly against him as the blanket revealed the light pink of her nightgown. Confused, she went to step forward, but stopped herself as she watched herself pull his face to hers and reconnect their lips as his hands touched her as though there was no clothing keeping her from him. They had just made love, but their desire for each other hadn't faded. Breaking their kiss, she gasped for air, keeping her face close to his as her hands disappeared beneath their blankets. The knock at the door brought a laugh from them, both knowing who it was.

"I don't think it's possible for them to sleep through the night," Richard said as he rolled onto his back and retied his pants.

Crawling out of bed, Kahlan walked to the door, fixing her nightgown on the way. "At least not in their own beds." The moment the door was opened, their children raced into the room and jumped into the bed. "I thought you were too old to sleep with us," Kahlan said as she walked to them.

"Cara said that small Confessor's are easy targets when they're sleeping alone."

Richard laughed, hugging the two small girls to him. "She did?"

Moving under the covers beside him, Kahlan grinned. "I guess we're going to have to ask her to stay with you for protection. We wouldn't want anything to happen to you before you get to hold your baby sister..."

Richard turned his head on the bed, meeting her eyes with a wide smile of surprise. "And the many more to come..."

Turning in his arms, she looked at his face. "How often do you dream like this?"

The warmth of his smile flooded through her. "Almost every night. It's what helps me through the day." He looked back to the people in the bed, "I want this with you. I want to lie in bed with you while our daughters-"

"I want that too." She couldn't believe that she had said it aloud, but she suddenly felt like it wasn't wrong.

"Come for a walk with me?"

Smiling, she moved closer. "In here or out there?"

"Here." Taking his hand, she allowed him to lead her through the door, entering another set of trees. "How does it work? The Mother Confessor taking a mate..."

For a moment, she wasn't sure she should answer, but he deserved to know the truth. "It's not always the same, but in my case, the High Council will find someone they believe would give me the strongest child. They will make sure that he is of high standing, giving them some kind of... Perk for choosing him."

"What do you mean?"

"He may be the ruler of a small town or territory that is not under our control and by being confessed, they would gain access to the land." She sighed, looking up at the purple sky. "I never understood why they want more."

"You wouldn't," he said with a laugh. "It's not important to you." Pulling her closer, he wrapped her arm around his and leaned over to her. "The man they choose for you, what if you don't like him?"

"How I feel about him makes no difference. Once he's confessed, he is an empty shell, there is nothing left of him."

"I wish they'd choose me," he told her almost silently.

"Sometimes I do too, but then I remember what would become of you and I can't live with your shell."

"You have the Rada'Han."

She stopped, tightening her hold on him. "It's not an option."

"Why?"

Giving him a small smile, she took a step back, afraid that being too close while she told him would make it harder. "There is a greater chance of conceiving a child with the release of my magic."

Now he was confused. Someone had to have sent it to her for a reason. "I don't understand. Greater chance, but it can be done without-"

"Maybe, but I can't use it."

"Why not?"

"Because if it didn't work, if I was with you and it didn't conceive a child, I would be forced to take another and how could I after being with you?"

"And if we did create a child?"

She smiled for a moment, looking down to the dirt for a moment to find the right words. Before, she had thought of all the ways it could go wrong, but never what it would be like if it worked. "If we had a child... She'd be beautiful." Bringing her eyes back to him, she expected to see a smile on his face as well, but there wasn't. "What's wrong?"

"I want to be with you so badly, but I don't want- Kahlan, you're afraid that your magic will destroy me. You don't want to be with the shell of me and if you wear the Rada'Han, it's hiding a piece of you. You wouldn't be the same woman that I love."

"I couldn't hurt you."

Stepping toward her, he smiled. "Your magic wouldn't hurt me, Kahlan." Holding her hand to his arm, he began walking again, wanting to keep her mind focused on something else for a moment. "Do you know where we are?"

"No, but it's beautiful."

Pointing to the trees, he smiled. "I used to play here when I was younger. Those over there are my favorites. After my mother died, I spent most of my time sitting beneath them. I don't remember finding any other comfort."

"Do you dream of her?"

"No," he whispered. "I can't even remember what she looked like."

"I'm sorry."

They walked in silence for a few minutes, listening to the songs of the birds as the sun grew warmer. She held onto his arm as he lead her through the trees, each a different shade of green than the one beside it. She understood why he found it comforting, she felt it there too.

"Does it always smell this way?"

"Yes," he chuckled lightly. "It's the flowers over there in the leaves. They're the strongest in the fall, right before they blow away."

"They're beautiful..."

"It's where I always thought I'd live. I bought this land a few years ago; planned on building a house, but I didn't want to do it alone."

"Was there no one-"

He grinned, looking at her for a moment. "No, I hadn't met you yet."

"Anna?"

"No, we- I could never imagine us together."

"Why not?"

"Because when I was with her, I was never truly with her and when she looked at me, I felt that she didn't see me."

Kahlan nodded, leaning her head against his arm for a moment. "I know the feeling."

Stopping suddenly, Richard turned her around and pulled her against him. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he shifted their position and rested his chin on her shoulder.

"Close your eyes and take a deep breath." She did so instantly, awaiting what was in stored. The smell was intoxicating, making her body relax in his arms. "Open them."

The flowers in the trees were all around them, flowing in the wind like pink and yellow snow. It was one of the most magnificent things she had ever seen. Reaching out, she took one in her hand and pulled it close, hugging it to her as she stared out in wonder. She never wanted to move.

"I love you, Richard."

Hugging her tighter, he kissed her neck. "I love you too."

******

"One night, Zedd," Richard said as he walked behind his angry grandfather. "I can't just sit back and allow some stranger to-"

"This is their way!" the wizard shouted. "You cannot throw your life away for a night of simple pleasure!"

"Nothing about this is simple, Zedd. I know what will happen if she doesn't conceive a child and I know what you think, but this is not for a night of pleasure. I love her, Zedd and I will do anything for a chance to have a life with her. If I can give her a daughter and if I can give her a piece of someone who loves her, I'm going to do it... I am not asking for permission, I'm going to be with her." Turning away, Richard sighed. "I'm not throwing my life way, I'm giving it purpose." Moving quickly through the trees, he caught sight of her white dress and reached out for her. "Kahlan, come with me?"

Confused, she nodded, taking his hand as he approached her in a hurry. He lifted her pack without a word, pulling her along before she could lay her blanket down.

"What's wrong?"

"I- I told Zedd that I wanted to spend the night with you."

"What?" she asked softly in confusion. "Why would you-"

"Because I realized that this is the only chance I have to maybe give you a child."

Coming to a stop, she shook her head. "This is wrong, Richard."

"Last night you said-"

"That was last night and we were in that beautiful place and I... In that moment, I would have given anything to be with you, but I can't now."

Dropping her travel pack, he brushed his fingers through his hair. "Why?" he asked in a whisper. He didn't want her to stop him, he wanted to take this chance and make the most of it in the hopes it would provide a future for them.

Stepping closer to him, she laid her hands on his chest. "I don't want you to toss your life away. If we had a child, you would be there every step of the way, I know you would and if you're there, how can you find your own happiness?"

"You are my happiness, Kahlan."

She smiled weakly, taking his face in her hands and allowing her blanket to fall to the ground. "And you are mine, but you deserve more."

"There is nothing more than you."

"Don't say that."

Taking hold of her hands, he kept them from leaving his face as he leaned forward. "I have to. If I let you go without telling you the truth." Giving her hands a small squeeze, he smiled. "I can't let you go without letting you know how much I love you." He kissed her quickly, abandoning her hands for her waist in an attempt to bring her closer to him.

She returned his kiss just as passionately, stepping forward to remove the wrenching space between them. He tugged at her, desperately trying to get closer. She grabbed his shirt and pulled, giving him silent permission to bring them to the ground. Running his hands over her, he began unlacing her dress, moving as fast as he could before she had a chance to change her mind. She pulled his shirt over his head and quickly ran her hands over his smooth, chiseled chest before letting him push open the top, front of her dress.

He covered the tops of her breasts with his lips, sliding his tongue over the skin for an everlasting taste of her. The flavor was like no other, it would be the only thing that could ever satisfy his hunger. Pushing her dress out of his way, he began tugging at her corset, suddenly hating the leather for keeping her from him. Shifting beneath him, she guided his hands through, making it unbelievably easy to access her body. Lifting himself, he stared at her as he removed the piece of clothing. The sight was breathtaking.

Licking his lips, he traced his fingers over her stomach, watching as her muscles tightened in reflex to his touch. Lifting her back from the ground, she pushed up against his hand with a low moan. Sitting up suddenly, she grabbed the top of his pants and pulled. The laces came loose quickly and without hesitation, she pushed the fabric from his hips. Kicking off his boots, he tossed his pants aside, not caring in the slightest where they landed. Kissing her stomach, he slowly worked his way up her body, his hands moving over her as she panted, moaned and gasped in pleasure.

Pulling at his hair, she let loose his name with a deep moan. She had never felt anything like this before; she felt wild and curious, realizing that her dreams had held nothing in comparison. Reconnecting their lips, she hooked her legs over his and pushed up against him. Scratching her nails down the back of his shoulders, Kahlan tried to get him closer, needing more of everything he gave her. He kissed over her jaw, finding his way to her neck where he began sucking lightly on the soft skin. The feel of his tongue gliding over her skin brought her mind spinning back to her.

Moving carefully, she reached for her pack, trying to get the Rada'Han quickly to keep him from stopping. She never wanted him to stop. Grabbing at the grass, she yanked them from the ground with a sudden cry as he continued. She had never known pleasure like this existed. Bringing his face back to hers, she pushed her tongue past his lips, tasting the saltiness of her sweat on his tongue.

The dirt from her hand transferred to his face, telling him where her hand had been only moments before. He waited a moment, hoping she would not make another attempt to reach her pack. He wanted her to let go, to release her magic and claim him as her own, but it would destroy her. Just as he went to grab the pack, she reached between them, removing all of his thoughts as she took him in her hand. The nails of her left hand dug into his side as he pushed inside, joining them both the way they had dreamed. Leaning her head back into the leaves, she gasped for air, fighting the loud cry that longed to get free.

He crashed his lips against her neck, holding still as he waited for her body to adjust to his. With her legs still wrapped over his, she pulled at him slightly, urging him onward, with caution. It was better than he had ever imagined, the rush of all consumed love flowing through him with her magic. His name left her lips in passion, followed almost as once by hers on his at his release.

Dropping his head to her chest, he pushed his arms against her sides, trying to be as close as possible as he listened to the pounding thumps of her heart. Realization flooded him, making him lift his head to look at her. Her eyes were closed, tears leaking out and there was a small smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. Kissing her chin, he moved his right hand to the side of her face, cupping her cheek for a moment before moving into her dark, thick hair.

"Mistress," he said with a wide smile, doing his best to sound serious.

She opened her eyes at once, hearing his smile. "Richard?"

"Were you expecting someone else?"

Grabbing his face, she moved him off and crawled over him. "You're-"

"What have you done?!" Zedd shouted in horror as he and Cara ran to them.

Richard jerked his head toward them, pulling Kahlan to him to protect her from the Mord'Sith who attempted to take her from him. "You're not going to hurt her!"

"You're confessed, you don't know what you're saying," his friend snapped, yanking the naked and silent Confessor out of his arms.

He jumped up, moving after the women. "I'm not confessed! Kahlan, tell them!" All eyes fell on her as she stared at him in tears. "You saw me; you know I'm not-"

"It's not possible," she whispered.

Zedd stepped forward, grabbing his grandson's shoulders and turning him around. "Cara-"

"You will not hurt her, Cara! As Lord Rahl, I command you to let her go!" The Mord'Sith froze, her hold on the other woman loosening at once. "She didn't confess me."

"We felt the release of her magic."

"I didn't say she didn't release her magic, Zedd." Richard picked up the blanket Kahlan had brought with them and carried it to her, covering her body as Cara stepped away. She stated at him, clinging to the blanket as he took a step closer. "I'm not confessed." He smiled, "Tell them, it's the only way they'll know it's true."

"I don't know how it's true," she said softly, looking over to the wizard who looked at the ground around them.

"Were you touching the Rada'Han when you-"

"Yes," she replied in a whisper, bringing her eyes to Richard's. They were still wet with tears, red from crying and filled with an emotion he had longed to see. "I thought I could get to it in time."

"But you weren't wearing it. What does it matter if you had it in your hand? I felt it flow through me."

"It must have dampened the force, flowing into it instead of you."

He turned to Zedd, hopeful that he would say she was wrong and that he couldn't be touched by her magic, but he didn't. "Zedd?"

"It makes sense. A Confessor's magic is unlike another. There is way to know for sure how you were spared, only that it must never happen again." He met Kahlan's eyes and waited for her to nod in agreement.

"Never," she repeated almost silently.

Looking to his grandson, he shook his head in disappointment and turned away, walking back to their camp. "Get dressed, we're going to go through the night. We will reach Aydindril at dark tomorrow."


	4. Chapter 4

She hadn't spoken since they left and the tears hadn't stopped flowing, though she had done her best to keep it hidden. Zedd had her walking between himself and Cara, making sure that she couldn't have a single moment alone with Richard. He could hear what he said to her, his words, he knew, loud enough for that purpose. He was angry that she had not only lied to him, but she had betrayed all of their trusts and that was only the beginning. He had spoken out a few times, but the hurt look in her eyes when he did made him stop. She agreed with him, thought that she had done something terribly wrong and she welcomed the punishment.

What they had done wasn't wrong, he knew it within himself and there had to be a way to get them to understand. He could see Aydindril ahead of them and it made him even more uneasy. By the end of the night, she would be home and with another man. He needed time with her before it happened. He needed to hold her in his arms one last time, needed to say goodbye.

The way the people of the town stared at her was impossible to miss. They almost seemed more scared of her than they did of Cara. It didn't make sense to him. Kahlan didn't acknowledge their stares, keeping her shoulders back and head high as they moved toward the palace, but he knew that it had to hurt her. He stopped at the gates, unwilling to go any farther; even as he watched his friends walk through. Quietly, he turned and hurried away, hoping to be gone before someone noticed he wasn't behind them.

The city was as she had always described it, breathtakingly beautiful. The people smiled at him, greeting him happily as he walked past, thanking him for all he had done for them. He couldn't get his mind to stop spinning, the events of the previous day playing freshly over and over again and the talk of the city only made it worse. They spoke of it often, about the man the High Council had chosen and how terrible he had been. Richard couldn't bear the thought of anyone else touching her and the man they described made him ache for her.

He found security in the woods outside of the city, knowing that it would be the only place he might find a moment of peace. The sun set faster than he imagined and then he felt it. The release of her magic tore through him as though he had been holding onto her, taking his breath away. Turning around he began racing back to the palace, something was wrong and she needed him.

******

"Her room is at the end of that hall," a woman told him quietly, ignoring the looks from the other servants. "You can't go down there!" she called out as Richard rushed away.

He came to a sudden halt as three of her servants ran to his side. The four guards that had been stationed in her hallway were lying on the floor, their blood flowing. Stepping forward, he hurried through, pulling his sword as he began making his way to her room. He tried to avoid stepping in the blood, but there was too much, almost covering the floor completely. The door was open and as he walked in, his heart stopped.

The only light came from the window, the moon shining brightly through to guide him through it all. The wardrobe and bed were pushed over, the curtains ripped apart and the window wide open. Taking another step forward, he whispered her name, praying that she was there somewhere and could hear him. Returning the sword home to its sheath, Richard lifted the wardrobe, pushing it against the wall to make sure she wasn't trapped beneath it. There was blood on the windowsill, dripping onto the floor with a splash that he thought impossible for him to hear. Kneeling down, he lifted the blankets off of the floor, desperately wishing that he would find her there.

He growled in anger, kicking one of the tables as he stood up. The footsteps at the door made him jump, spinning around to see who it was as he pulled his sword free once again.

"She never should have been here, Zedd."

"She didn't have a choice; she knew the dangers."

Moving toward his grandfather, the Seeker tightened his hand on the sword, letting it feed off of his anger. "How can you say that?! How could you bring her back here for this?!" Pushing past the older man, he let out a low growl. "This is your fault."

Zedd gave no argument, knowing it wasn't wise to argue while he held onto the sword. He wouldn't hear him with the anger burning through him, mixing with the fear of losing the woman he loved. The wizard followed him quickly, seeing the look in his eyes as he walked past. He knew something that he hadn't shared.

"Cara, let's go," Richard said loudly as he entered the main hall and was greeted in concern by the High Council.

An older man stepped forward and stood in front of the Mord'Sith. "What happened?"

"If we leave now, we may be able to catch them."

"What can we do?"

The Seeker met the man's eyes coldly. "You've done enough."

"At least take some of the palace guards-"

He nearly laughed, shaking his head as he waited for Cara to come to his side. "They couldn't protect her before, they will be of no use to us now."

******

They had been walking east all night and he was growing more nervous that he would find her too late.

"How do you know they went this way? There's no tracks."

Shaking his head, he looked over his shoulder to his friend, who hurried along behind him. "I don't need the tracks, I can feel her."

"What do you mean?"

"I don't know. I'm not sure that I can explain it, but I feel her calling to me."

"You feel her calling to you?" she asked skeptically, looking at him with confusion and annoyance. "The powers of a Rahl are limitless."

Picking up his pace, he changed their direction and lead them to a small village. "This doesn't have anything to do with being a Rahl, Cara. I feel her magic running through my veins."

"And it's telling you which way to go?"

He could hear her laugh in the silence, but he knew if he continued with the conversation any longer it would slow them down. "Yes."

"Do-"

Richard grabbed her arm and pulled her down onto the ground, slowly pushing his elbows into the dirt to move closer to the bushes. "Look through there." The house he stared out at was surrounded by green, blending in with the paint in their failed attempt to hide.

"There's only two guards, they wouldn't be holding her there."

"She's there."

The two guards turned into twelve as the Seeker and Mord'Sith ran through the brush in full speed. The ring of the Sword of Truth echoed through the small trees and undergrowth, screaming out with vengeance to all who heard. He couldn't remember moving faster or feeling no resistance as he cut down one large man after another. He held his breath, trying to focus only on the task at hand and get to her sooner. She didn't have much more time.

Crashing through the door, Richard pushed his sword through the first man who came toward him, looking around for any sign of her. The white of her Mother Confessor's dress stuck out to him, telling him that he wasn't crazy and that she was or at one point had been there. Moving quietly, he crept through the house, hoping to make some sort of surprise when he found the man or men who held her. Nudging another door open, he peeked inside, seeing her hands at once. He had found her.

She was lying on her side in the center of a small bed, her hands tied with rope to the elaborate headboard. Her eyes were closed; her face beaten, bruised and bloody, telling him the blood he had found in her bedroom was most likely hers. There were two others in the room with her. One was chained to the right side of the wall, making Richard wonder if he was there for her to look at. The other was a boy, younger than he expected, who couldn't be more than seventeen, sat on a short stool on the left side of the bed.

"She shouldn't get away with it."

"With what?" the Seeker asked as he came closer with caution.

"Destroying my father." He looked up and met his eyes, they were cold and angry. "She chose to take him away from me! From our people!"

"She didn't choose anything! She didn't want your father, they chose him for her!" He hadn't meant to shout, but the rage of the sword continued to flood his body. "Kahlan never wants to confess anyone, even if they deserve much worse. You let her go or I will kill you."

"She has to die. It's the only way for my father to be freed."

"She's not going to die."

The boy stood up angrily and crawled onto the bed with a knife, taking Kahlan's hair into his hand and pulling her to him. "Why should she have him? He's never done anything wrong, but they came for him! They gave him to this monster for her pleasure! I showed her! I showed her what she deserves! She cried, you know. After a while she begged me to stop; my own father begged me to stop! He couldn't see that I did it for him!"

"Move away from her!" Richard shouted instantly, moving to the bed with his sword against the boy. "Release her-"

"If you kill me, my last act will be taking her life with me!"

Leaning forward, Richard hardened his eyes, making sure the boy saw the truth of his words. "If you do not drop your blade, I will run my sword through your heart."

The boy paused for a moment, bringing his knife away from Kahlan's throat. "She took my father from me..."

"She didn't have a choice."

Shaking his head, he pushed his knife back to her throat. "She must die to return him to me!"

It was then that the Seeker heard the man chained to the wall behind him, the boy's father. He was begging his son not to hurt his mistress and that he would do anything if only he let her go. Shaking the man's voice from his head, he tightened his hold on the sword as he realized he felt the same way. "I will do anything to protect her."

"She is only a Confessor, her life means nothing!"

"It does to me," Richard said surprising gentle, bringing the boy to still in confusion. "I love her and I will not allow you to kill her."

"You are a fool! You've seen what she has done to my father! She must die!"

With a quick jerk of the knife, the Seeker lunged forward, pushing his sword through the boy's chest before his knife could finish its journey across her neck. His body fell from the bed, attempting to take hers with it until Richard pulled her into his arms. Wrapping one of the blankets over her body, he looked up at Cara, who had been standing in the doorway.

"We should stay here until she wakes up."

His fingers brushed mindlessly through her hair, trying to comfort her the only way he could think of as she shook in his arms. Moving carefully, he laid them both down on the bed, making sure that she remained covered as he brought her closer to him. He tucked her head beneath his chin and closed his eyes, breathing deeply to calm himself. His body jerked in surprise as she grabbed his arm, his eyes flying open to meet hers. She was far away, she was looking at him, but he didn't think she really saw him.

"How did you find me?"

"I could feel you," he answered quickly. "It was almost as though you were calling for me."

A small smile tugged at her lips as she brought her hand to the side of his face. "I wasn't sure you would feel it."

Richard pushed his forehead against hers. "I can always feel it."

She kissed him, quick and passionate and then pulled back. "I was so afraid you didn't feel it."

"I would never let anything happen to you, Kahlan." Inching backward, she rolled onto her back and wiped the blood from beneath her nose. The tears that she tried to hide were more than obvious, but he said nothing. He knew that she didn't want him to see; he pretended like he didn't. "Do you think you could travel?"

"Yes." It was a simple answer, a lie, but she needed to move. She needed to get her mind to think of something else.

Nodding, he held the blanket to her as he sat up, not wanting to expose her to the man still chained to the wall and the Mord'Sith sitting by the door. "I'll get your dress."

******

Kahlan kept quiet as they walked out of the house, her body aching with each movement. She knew that Richard could see, he would do small things to make it easier for her, but never said anything of it. He pretended to have to rest a few times, making sure to keep his excuses believable. She saw through them, of course, even with the Rada'Han around her neck. He could never keep anything from her; he never tried.

The cold metal around her neck made her uneasy. The thought of being helpless was mixed with the desires within. She didn't understand how he had felt her magic. If they had been correct before and the Rada'Han had pulled it into itself, then Richard shouldn't have been able to sense she was in trouble. Something else had to have happened for him to be able to feel her like he did.

"You don't have to go back, Kahlan," Richard said quietly, slowing down his pace to walk closer to her.

She kept her eyes on the trail ahead, afraid to look at him as she answered. "Yes I do. It is my duty; I owe it to my people."

"What about you? After what you just went through-"

"He lied to you, Richard. You don't have to look at me like that, he didn't touch me." She sighed, looking at the ground. "He started to, but he couldn't..."

"Kahlan, I-"

"We need to move faster."

Grabbing her arm, he pulled her to a stop, forgetting that Cara was with them. "I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"For letting you go through with it. I should have fought harder to be with you."

She couldn't stop the small smile that came to her. "You fought harder than anyone."

"It wasn't enough."

"It was for me." Stepping back, she looked up the road to their friend, who waited impatiently for them to continue. "We should keep moving. The council would have sent someone after you."

Taking her hand, he kept her from walking away. "When we get back, I'm not going to let you go through with it. I'm yours Kahlan."

"I don't have a choice," she told him softly. "After everything that has happened- I've confessed that man. If I don't do this, I've destroyed his life; his family for nothing."

"I don't want anyone else to have you," he whispered. "I don't want you to be with him." Closing the distance between them, he took her face in his hands and leaned forward until they were a breath apart. "I want to be yours."

"Richard, please..."

Shaking his head, he pulled her against him. "I want to be with you." Brushing his lips against hers, he closed his eyes. "Take me..."

Her eyes were closed, her mind focused completely on the feel of his breath against her lips. "I can't."

"This is our chance..."

Kahlan pulled back, licking her lips as she took a few steps away from him. "We had our chance and I nearly destroyed you. I have to get back to Aydindril and I have to complete my duty as Mother Confessor. I owe it to my people and I owe it to you to set you free."

Richard couldn't breathe as he watched her walk away. The look he had seen in her eyes made his blood run cold and he was almost sure that she meant it. She went past Cara without a word or glance, desperately hoping to get back to the palace and bring the nightmare to an end. The urge to turn back and rush back to him was almost overwhelming, but she couldn't keep the fear out. One day he would find another woman and would be glad that she had let him go. Now there was a chance for him to be happy and he deserved it.


	5. Chapter 5

The Mother Confessor's room had been repaired by the time they returned, making it easy for her to disappear again. The High Council had assured her that she would be safe and they would double the guard. Kahlan turned down their offer and entered her room quietly with Zedd. It took the wizard no more than five minutes to heal her wounds, making sure that she was all right to finish the night with her mate.

She made no attempt to hide her tears, he knew how she felt and she partly wanted him to feel her pain. The man that she wanted was the only man alive that she could not have. His grandson. What made it harder was knowing that Richard was lying awake in his bed on the other side of the palace.

"It will be over in the morning," Zedd told her quietly as he walked to her door.

The moment she was alone, she tightened her hold on the blankets and waited. Her eyes were closed as she shifted her body, the sound of her heart racing echoed in her ears, making it impossible to get comfortable. She nearly jumped out of the bed at the light knock at the door. The time had arrived and there was no turning back.

"You may enter, Thomas." The door opened, letting in a bright light that shined around him, keeping his face in the dark. "Close the door and remove your clothes."

"Yes, Mistress."

Thomas removed his clothes quickly and walked to the side of the bed, waiting for her next set of orders as she pushed blankets onto the floor.

"Come onto the bed and lay beside me." He did so immediately. Taking a deep breath, she swallowed her fear and sat up. Moving to sit over him, she traced her fingers over his chest. "How many women have you been with?"

"Four," he replied at once.

"Did you love any of them?"

"Yes, Mistress."

Pulling her hand back, Kahlan sighed. "Where is she?"

"She died seven years ago."

"Before I confessed you, did you miss her?"

"Yes, Mistress."

"You are going to be with me like you were with her. Do you understand?"

Nodding, Thomas ran his hands over her legs, making their way to her stomach. His hands were rough, reminding her of the bark of a tree Richard had once shown her. Pushing against him, she let out a low moan as thoughts of him filled her mind. If she closed her eyes, maybe she could make herself believe he was there with her. He squeezed her breasts, giving a soft growl as she pushed down against him.

******

The high Council sat at a long table, looking down at the Mother Confessor and her friends. She and Thomas had spent the past three days within the privacy of her bedroom and it was now time to continue on with the quest.

"And you have conceived a child?"

Kahlan felt his eyes on her. It was the first time since they were in the same room that he had looked at her. Keeping her eyes on the people before them, she nodded. "I have."

"It would not be safe for you to leave the protection of the palace."

"If we do not find the stone of tears, the Keeper will destroy the palace," she told them. "I have months before the child causes changes. I will return by then."

"What if you lose the child?"

Her face hardened, the thought not something she wanted to think of. "Then I will conceive another."

The council spoke among themselves for a few moments, ignoring the others as they came to a decision. "Four months. You may leave for four months. Any longer and the risk of losing the child would become too high."

Nodding her head, she turned and rushed from the room, not wanting to give anyone a chance to say something more. She wanted to get out of the palace as soon as possible. The walk out was longer than she remembered, but the moment she felt the sun on her face, she could almost breathe. Closing her eyes, she came to a stop and waited for them to catch her, she knew they would follow.

"Kahlan?" It was the first time she had heard his voice in days, it comforted her. "Are you sure you should leave?"

"I'm no safer here than I am out there," she replied quietly. "I need to go."

"All right. We'll wait here for you to pack."

"I packed this morning. My pack is with the horses."

"You're not going to tell me are you?" he asked quietly.

Turning to face him, she crossed her arms. "Tell you what?"

Richard stepped closer, locking their eyes. "That the child is mine."

"No-"

"You can't deny it, Kahlan. I can feel my magic within you."

"You're mistaken," she said quickly as she started backing away. "Thomas is her father."

"You can say it, but it doesn't make it true. Kahlan, we both know she is mine." He had backed her against a wagon with no chance of getting past him. "You knew you were pregnant and you still went through with it with that other man. Why?"

She swallowed the lump in her throat. He knew everything and the pain in his eyes was undeniable. "You're wrong."

"No, I'm not. Why would you lay with him when you didn't have to? Kahlan you were with him for days..."

"I did what I needed to."

Richard closed the distance between them and grabbed her waist. "You have me. You didn't need to be with him. How could you do it?"

"I did it because now, there is nothing here for you." He could see her fighting back the tears as she struggled to keep her voice normal. "I have been with another man, how could you want me after what I've done?"

"Kahlan-"

"I told him to make love to me the way he did with his wife," she interrupted quickly, trying to at least make him angry. "I had to pretend he was you at first," she admitted quietly before she remembered what she was trying to do. "But after a while, I couldn't remember your face." Hardening her eyes, she prepared herself for what she was to say next. "You should start dreaming of a life with someone else, because you will never have it with me."

He took a step back, releasing her from his hold, shocked and hurt by her words. "We should get going. They're probably waiting for us."

She had succeeded. She had hurt him, but it didn't come with the relief she had thought it would. A part of her wished that he would have seen through her lie; that he knew that she imagined him for every moment. The truth was, if she hadn't thought of him, she never could have gone through with it. Thomas wasn't as gentle as Richard, his touch had left bruises in places she wished no one to ever see, and his teeth left small indentations on her shoulders from those moments he had bitten down in full force. He had marked her and it made her feel dirty. These things, of course, were not something she could tell the man she loved.

Each night, she would go to sleep beside the other man in hopes that Richard would return to her dreams. She had dreamed of him, yes, but he never spoke to her the way she knew her Seeker would; he was not the man she wanted. She awoke each morning in disappointment. He was only giving her what she deserved. Why would he come to her when she was in bed with another man?

It didn't stop her from talking to him as though he was real. She told him the truth about everything and then fell into his arms and just cried. The feeling of being in his arms was more comforting than she could ever explain to him. In her dreams, it was all they ever needed.

Stopping her thoughts, she hurried behind him, trying to make it appear as though she hadn't fallen behind. The moment they reached the stables, she walked to the last horse on the right and laid her forehead against its nose. He nudged against her, snorting until she gave a small laugh and reached for one of the apple halves that sat beside them.

"I missed you too," she whispered quietly as a stable boy brought her the pack.

******

The road was quiet, none of them wanting to talk and break the silence, even though they all felt the pressure. Richard rode ahead of them all, keeping his eyes on the road ahead and trees around them. It was the first time they had traveled so far without him looking at her. After a few hours, Zedd began humming in an attempt to ease the tension that seemed to swallow them all in its darkness. It only made the Seeker ride faster. Slowing his horse, the wizard pulled next to her and sighed.

"I haven't seen him like this in some time."

Kahlan shot him an angry glance. "I did what I had to do." Her knuckles were white from clutching the reins so hard, her entire body vibrating in a mix of anger and pain. "If I hadn't he wouldn't move past this. Now, he-"

"Has no choice," he offered softly.

She sighed, giving in to the older man's quiet voice. "He deserves a life, a family; a woman he can make love to without fear. He can't have any of that with me."

"It doesn't stop him from wanting it, dear one. Richard has known for some time what your magic could do to him. He's not afraid of you or your magic. He wants you to take him more than he wants his next breath."

"Not anymore," she told him. Something in her tone worried him, but he waited for her to continue. "I said what needed to be said. Whenever he thinks of me, it will not be in that way. He is free."

He sighed and moved his horse closer to hers. "I'm sorry, Kahlan."

"Me too," she replied almost silently. She didn't want anyone else to hear her, but she couldn't stop herself from saying it aloud.

******

Richard was to take first watch, he insisted as Zedd had offered, claiming that he wasn't tired. Kahlan could see the exhaustion in his eyes, written clearly on his face with the dark circles under eyes. She said nothing as she settled down beside the fire, making sure that both Cara and Zedd were between herself and the Seeker. She already felt different, the magic within the barely existent child, his magic, drained her quickly as she held it in with her own. She wanted to lie down and sleep, but didn't want to cause anyone to believe that she was unable to continue with them. She need to complete this quest, it would be the last she ever saw of the man she loved.

Staring up at the sky, she watched as a single leaf floated over her, being carried away to freedom by the wind. Her first thought was of the place Richard had taken her in his dream, the beauty of it all and suddenly she could feel his arms around her again. Hugging the blanket to her, she closed her eyes and tried to pull herself back from those thoughts. Where they lead, she couldn't go. He saw things differently than she did, what she would have ignored or missed completely, he would sit and enjoy, taking in its beauty without hesitation. It was one of the things she loved about him.

Shaking her head, Kahlan pushed away the thoughts and tried to think of something else, but the child within her made it impossible. Rolling over, she stared out at the trees and tried to calm her breathing. Even if he wasn't watching her, he would know when something was wrong. She had to make him believe that she didn't need him, that the sight of him didn't make her weak. One small mistake could unravel it all and after what had already happened, she couldn't bear to do it again.

Closing her eyes again, she tried to push back the rumble within her; the never ending desire for him. The magic within her was almost overwhelming, the strength to hold it in nearly crushing her as she tried to keep still. For a moment, she believed their daughter knew and understood her agony. Maybe she was feeling it too.

"Kahlan?" his voice made her jump, almost letting go of the magic within. Motioning to the trees with his head, he sighed. "You always feel better when you walk."

"I'm fine," she lied. She looked around them for a moment, noticing that the others had fallen asleep.

His eyes remained gentle, surprising her a little. "No you're not. I can feel it too. I've felt it for days and it's only gotten stronger."

"I can handle it."

Shaking his head, he frowned and reached for her. Tucking several strands of her hair behind her ear, he stared into her eyes. "I thought you could too. Kahlan, you're the strongest woman I have ever known, but this... Kahlan, you need me to help you."

"Why would you want to help me after what I've done?"

He sighed, sitting down and crossing his legs before him. "Because each night you were with him, when you slept, you were with me."

She shook her head, confused by his words. "No, I-"

"I know," he said quietly. "You asked if it was me and I lied." He dropped his hands in his lap and sighed. "I was angry and I wasn't going to stay, but you didn't- you wouldn't let go of me." She looked away embarrassed. Now that she knew that it had been him, she hated herself for what she had done. "Kahlan, I know why you said what you did, but it doesn't change the way I feel about you. When you thought I was just a piece of your dream, you told me that the child was mine; that you were proud of it, but you didn't want the real me to know."

"You told me that my heart wasn't safe with you; that one day you would hurt me and then a few days ago when we were leaving, you did your best to hurt me." She at last returned her eyes to his with a nod. "It almost worked. I must have imagined you with him more than a hundred times, but then I realized that it didn't matter what you and he did because I still loved you. At first I had been afraid that maybe you didn't love me anymore, but then I kept remembering your dreams and I knew I was wrong." He sighed and straightened his back. "I was wrong for pushing you that morning in the square, for trying to make you-"

"You weren't wrong, Richard," she interrupted. "I should have told you that you were her father, but I couldn't. I didn't want you to give up the rest of your life because you felt like you had to."

"I wouldn't be giving up anything. Kahlan, having a daughter with you is everything I've wanted."

She tilted her head as she looked into his eyes, preparing herself for the next question. "You know that we can never be together again and after everything I've done, why would you want to-"

"Because I love you." He gave her a small; sincere smile.

She lowered her eyes for a moment and sighed. "I was with another man..."

"I know, but it doesn't change anything."

"It should."

"Why?" he questioned.

She tilted her head confused. "Why? Why doesn't it?"

His smile widened for a second. "The first night with him, in your dream, do you remember what you told me?"

She stared at him for a moment and nodded slowly. "I didn't know it was you."

"If you had, would you have told me?"

"Not everything," she admitted softly. "I wouldn't have told you what I did."

"When you told me, I almost told you it was me."

"Why didn't you?"

"Because you needed me to comfort you; not make it harder." She blinked in an attempt to hide the tears, but it was too late. "You needed me to comfort you, so I-"

"Held me while I cried..."

Richard smiled warmly and reached for her hand, needing to touch her. "I did what I needed to."

"Thank you."

Abandoning her hand, he cupped her face gently and leaned forward, watching her carefully to be sure she wouldn't pull away. To his delight she moved with him, connecting their lips as she held his hands to her face. Moving to her knees, she pushed into him, trying to get closer as he leaned forward. He was laying over her in seconds, his lips moving from her jaw to her neck as his hands tried to pull her to him. The moan that left her lips was louder than she expected, making them both freeze in the hopes they didn't wake the others. Pulling his lips from her neck, he looked over to their friends and sighed.

Sitting up, he moved off of her and took hold of her hand. "Come with me."


	6. Chapter 6

He expected her to resist, but she didn't. Nodding her head, she stood with him and followed him into the trees. He didn't take her as far as he wanted, the urge to kiss her again becoming more overwhelming with each step. Pushing her against a thick tree, he lifted her from the ground and wrapped her legs around him. She pulled him against her, rocking slowly as he reconnected their lips. The magic was boiling within her, desperately seeking a way out as she slowly began to lose control.

He felt it within her and the strength she used to keep it at bay. Sliding his hands over her legs, he pushed harder against her, hoping to push her closer to her limit. Her head leaned back against the rough bark with a gasp as she tightened her hold on his hair. His breath warmed her neck, sending chills through her body with every breath.

"Let go," he whispered in her ear. "Trust me."

She felt him pull the magic from her, her body suddenly going limp in his arms as he took it into himself. It wasn't the Confessor's magic that rushed from her but his own coming from their child, instantly relieving the pressure within her. He held her to the tree, watching her carefully as the darkness in her eyes faded away to reveal the bright blue that sucked him in.

Staring at him, she stroked her fingers through the hair at the top of his neck. "How did you do that?"

"I don't know," he told her quietly as he inched closer. "But I knew that I could." His right hand pushed higher up her thigh, gliding along the soft flesh as her eyes fluttered closed. "How do you feel?"

Words failed her, the feel of his hands continuing their journey took all thoughts from her mind. Tightening her legs around him, she pushed against him with a moan. The sound drove him wild, but he knew they couldn't go much farther without the release of her magic waking their friends. The sounds coming from her begged him not to stop and drove him onward until she let out a loud gasp.

Rocking against his hand, she panted in pleasure, desperately seeking more. She couldn't get enough, reaching between them, she grabbed the top of his pants and pulled frantically at the laces while pushing them down with her legs. Bringing her down to the ground, he laid over her and began pulling at her dress, the need to feel her skin against his taking over. Richard covered the top of her chest with his lips, kissing until he could no longer stand to be apart from her lips. A growl of frustration left him as he struggled with her corset, once again hating it for keeping her from him.

Breaking their kiss, he sat up and pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it aside before bringing all of his attention to the leather of her corset. Kahlan laid her hands over his, once again guiding him through it until he was able to continue without her help. He stared at her for a moment, examining each piece of newly exposed skin, the red marks made by her mate standing out against her porcelain skin. Slowly, he traced his fingers down her stomach, over the bruised skin in the shape of his fingers until her landed upon a scar he knew all too well. Bringing his eyes back to hers, he traced his index finger over the skin, watching as her eyes fluttered closed while she pushed into his touch. Lowering his head, he licked over her belly button, rewarded instantly with a loud moan.

Richard kissed over the bruised skin, hoping to take away the hurt caused by the other man. Her fingers wound into his hair, pulling slightly each time his lips made contact with her body. Arching her back off of the ground, she brought his face to hers, desperately needing to feel his chest against hers. He struggled to kick off his shoes, his pants making it difficult to move with them pushed over his boots. A soft groan of relief filled her ears as he shifted between her legs, pushing harder against her.

Pushing her head back into the grass, she whispered his name, telling him what he already knew. If he didn't take her soon, it would be too late and her magic would flood his soul. Reaching between them she took him in her hand, stroking him gently until he stopped her.

"Kahlan," he panted in her ear, "we don't have to do this..."

She ran her left hand over his shoulder, bringing him closer. "I want you..."

It took all of his strength to move off of her, his entire body shaking with need. Laying beside her, he draped his arm over her stomach in an attempt to keep close. "I'm already yours. We don't have to do this."

Turning her head, she met his eyes, they were filled with the lust of passion that burned within her, but he was holding back. Tears began to fill her eyes as she rolled to face him. "Because of what I've done with him?"

His smile surprised her with its kindness. "No," he stated instantly. "Because you would never forgive yourself if you lost control of your magic. What you did with him doesn't make me want to be with you any less." Touching her cheek, he sighed. "It makes me want you more." The confusion on her face was clear, asking him to explain. "You spent three nights with a man who hurt you; with someone who didn't love you the way I do. I want to take those memories away from you; I want to make you forget the pain it caused you."

"I'll never forget." She blinked out a set of tears as she whispered. "I wanted to punish myself."

"Why?"

She looked away, squeezing her eyes shut for a moment as she rolled onto her back. "For loving you so much."

"Kahlan," the sound of her name leaving his lips pulled her gaze back to his. "You shouldn't be punished for that."

Sitting forward, she pulled her dress into her arms and shook her head. "I nearly confessed you that afternoon and that I deserved to be punished for."

"You're wrong. You don't understand how much that means to me." She turned her head and looked at him as he, too, sat forward. "For those few moments, we were together in a way that I could be with no other. It was ours and I will find a way to have it again."

"We should get back, before Zedd wakes up."

"I promise, Kahlan. We will spend the rest of our lives filling our home with daughters."

A smile crept onto her face, the way he said it made her believe that it was possible. "I'd like that."

Handing her her corset, Richard smiled back at her. "I don't know how you-"

"I usually have help," she replied softly. "Help me?"

Moving to his knees, he turned her gently and pulled at the leather as she moved her hair over her shoulder and out of his way. As she adjusted the front, he ran his fingers over her side, needing to touch her once more. He made sure to lace slowly, wanting to remain alone with her for as long as possible; she didn't object. Finishing, he wrapped his arms around her waist and pulled her back against his chest. She went easily; without protest, holding his arms to her as she leaned into him.

After a few moments, she turned her head to look at him. "If Zedd found us-"

"We're not doing anything wrong."

She grinned, cheeks turning red for a moment. She could feel his arousal against her lower back, telling her that he still felt the way she did. "No, but I want to."

Turning in his arms, she flattened her hands against his chest and pushed him to the ground. She was unable to have her release, but she could give him his. His eyes slid closed as she kissed his chest, sucking and licking as though she only had a hunger for him. Her hands slid over the newly moistened skin, massaging the muscles as they flexed beneath her touch. Fisting her hair, he let out a loud moan and pushed up into her lips.

Grabbing her hand, he held her still, mumbling something she was unable to understand through his panting. She was on her back almost instantly, Richard above as he connected their lips. Hooking her legs around him, she lifted herself to meet his thrusts, changing the angle as she scratched her nails down his shoulders and back. His head laid in the crook of her neck, kissing her every few seconds while he pumped into her. The heavy gasps and moans filled the air around them, waking the forest with their passion.

Her magic was on the edge, another minute and she would be gone. Squeezing her eyes shut, she leaned her head back into the grass and pulled him roughly against her, quickening their pace. Lifting his head, he pulled his left hand from her breast and cupped her neck and jaw, holding her in place as he struggled to keep his lips on hers as he began to lose control. The taste of her kiss was tainted by the blood that dripped from her nose, the strength of the magic within her taking its toll. He didn't want to let go without her, the pleasure meant for the both of them, but he knew she would hold on until it killed her. Returning his head to the crook of her neck, he grunted with each thrust, falling rapidly over the edge as she pulled his hips roughly to her.

Collapsing onto her, he gasped for his next breath, filling his lungs with much needed oxygen. Her heart raced beneath his ear, pounding against her chest as she struggled to keep her magic within. She pulled at his hair, using the distraction to help calm her as he remained within her. Keeping her legs wrapped around his, she held him still as she rocked up against him, her body still thriving off of his. To keep from crushing her, Richard rolled them over, letting out a sigh of discontent as he slipped from her warmth. She continued to move against him, the fire of her desire already fueled.

Her name left his lips softly as she sat up above him, rocking roughly against him, wiping the blood from her nose before holding his hands to her hips. She suddenly wished he hadn't laced her corset, wishing he could rip it from her and set her free. Bringing her eyes to his, she grew wilder by the look in them. He watched her hungrily as though it was the first time he had the privilege to look upon her in this manner. His fingers moved over her, tracing the contours of the leather corset that hid her, wishing he could touch her skin. Reaching up, he grabbed her breasts, trying to slip his fingers beneath the leather and at last touch her soft skin.

Sliding his hands down her side, he held her still, doing his best to be gentle as he forced her rocking to a stop. Resting her hands on his chest, she stared down at him with darkened eyes as she realized what she was doing.

"I'm sorry."

He grinned widely at her, moving his hands back up her sides until he was able to pull her down against him. "Don't be."

Kahlan clung to him, grateful he had stopped her when he had. All thought had fled her mind and she was lost in his eyes, the hunger, desire and passion that filled them completely. She had never seen such a look in anyone's eyes before, certainly not toward a Confessor. He held her as though she were just a woman, unafraid of what could be released into him at any moment and she knew he could feel it. Lifting her head, she looked down at his peaceful face, eyes closed and a smile on his lips. Slowly, she moved onto her side next to him, making sure to keep herself close in his arms.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she replied quietly, reaching for her dress as he loosened his hold on her. "We should get back before Zedd wakes up."

He remained still for a few moments, watching silently while she laced her white Confessor's dress before him. As she finished, he sat forward and reached for his own clothes as she brought her eyes to his. "What's wrong?"

"I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"Did you know I was pregnant before I-"

He shook his head slowly. "I wished, but I didn't know. Not until you told me in your dream." He moved to his knees, taking his pants from her hands and laying them beside her. "I wanted to say something, to tell you how happy I was, but-"

"I said that I could never tell you."

His face saddened for a moment, telling her that it wasn't the reason. "You told me that you would lay with him again because you hoped it would keep me from knowing." Taking her face in his hands, he rubbed his thumbs across her cheeks and inched closer. "You were lying in my arms, crying about what you had just done, but willing to do it again because you thought that it was what was best for me. The first time I saw you, when we met with the council, I could feel her and I was desperate for you to tell me."

She lowered her eyes, staring at his lips while she thought. "I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"For saying what I did instead of telling you the truth."

Sitting back on his heels, he hugged her to him. "Me too."

Pulling back, she rested her hands against his chest and sighed. "We should head back." Standing, she took a step back as he hurried to pull on his pants. The moment he was done with the laces, she reached for his hand. "Lay beside me?"

His smile warmed her, making her already pounding heart beat faster. "Always."

******The End******


End file.
